Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. - Kate Moss

Thursday, April 28

Out of depression :)

God, today was good!

I'm finally out of my bout of depression. That was a tough ride, but I'm so proud I didn't self harm or anything :) :) :)

I weigh 139.6! Finally! outta the 140's! Buzzing!

Went into Cambridge today, it was really good. Bought some TINY size 8 shorts from Jack Wills (the sizing there is ridiculously small!) so those are my next inspiration seeing as I can now fit into my size 10 jeans! :D

Went into Next (a department store!) to see my cousin, W. He is so lovely, it was great to see him :)

Anyways, when I was talking to him, I looked away for a second and I saw this guy called Dan, who left my school last year. he is 19 and absolutley LUSH. Mmmmmm.. so yahh, he was grinning away at me. I could feel my cheeks burning, it was so embarassing! I'm talking to him on Facebook right now.. Ahhh.. I so would!

Right, food-wise today I didn't do too badly. I started off with half a cup of hot chocolate (25 calories). Then I went into Cambridge with mum and she insisted on me having a scone with butter!!!! so that kinda ruined things, at 145 calories. but thankfully, apart from two cups of tea, I resisted anything else :)

So today's calorie intake was 170.

Not too shabby. to dash, Dan is buzzing me on msn! :D

Love you pretties, stay skinny!

Chloe x

Monday, April 25


FML> thats all I have to say.
My depression is so bad at the moment, I was thinking about suicide again earlier. It would just be so much better than living. And it would be so easy.
We have loads of guns in our house, and I know exactly where the keys and the bullets are. Shotgun straight to the head. Simple. Blood and bits of my brain splattered all over the wall. and I would feel nothing. Bliss.
Today was crap. Went up to the Rugby Club. My little brother was training and having end of season awards. Ran into my ex, Joe. It wasn't too awkward. He is such a player that we just flirt the whole time we are with eachother. So yeah, bit of flirty banter flying about.
I ate like a fucking pig today. I skipped breakfast. Then, at the awards part, they laid out a huge spread of food. :(

2 triangles of cheese sandwiches.
a bit of pasta and rice.
Some cheesy balls.
Some carrot and dip.
2 slices of rocky road.

Wow.. that is like, a zillion calories :(

Then, instead of being a good girl and working it all off, my depression made me so sleepy that I just went straight to bed. Good one. -_-

For dinner I had porridge.


Sunday, April 24

Blah blah blah.

Hello pretties :)

I'm going to work out how many calories i consumed today. The uncle and nan came round today so I couldn't control my food. :(


1 handful of honey roasted cashew nuts. (183 kcals)

  • 1 tiger roll. (131 kcals)

  • cheese. (200kcals)

  • Veg. (20 kcals)

So that comes to... 534 calories.

Shiiiiiit man. Someone is working out a lot tonight!

I dunno what to have for dinner. Maybe salad or something. or nothing, I don't deserve it.

anyways, off to work out.


Right, went and binged on cereal (135 kcals) and Jelly (97 calories) and hot chocolate (38 calories)

Which brings my total today to.. 804 calories.

BUT.. I went running for a bit and burnt off 1000 calories, plus did lots of walking.

Soo.. im on.. -196 calories or so for today.

Good one Chloe :)

Friday, April 22


God I want to be in the one thirties this week.

I will do anything.


I just want that so badly. I haven't been bellow the 140's since I was about 12.

How did I let myself get so fat?

I need to go and see Tom's grave tomorrow. I can't believe it's been over a year. I still miss him so much.

Basically, my friend Tom was 19 when he died. I loved him so much. He was the sweetest guy ever. He died on the 6th of march 2010. In a car accident. I was meant to be going to that party. He offered to drive me home. If I'd had said yes, he might still be alive. I could have told him to slow down, to stop being such a dick.

He swerved on a small country lane into a wooden fence and a ditch. A metal and wooden spike of the fence when in through the side of his head and came out through his hip. Hopefully, he died instantly and without any pain. I'm not a doctor or anything, so how the hell would I know?

My friend A is a firefighter and was called to the scene. He had no idea it would be his best mate he would be trying to cut off the fence that disembowled him.

I feel awful for A.

Such a sweet lad. You can tell it's still with him all the time.

Going to the funeral was horrible. I got to the church and felt numb. I felt so guilty for not being able to cry, when everyone around me was falling apart.

I went into the church with my friends, S and D. we sat down and I still felt nothing. Like it was all a dream.

Then our song came on.

'born slippy' -Underworld.

Then the tears came flooding. Pouring down my cheeks. I just couldn't stop. It was like the pain that I had felt and bottled up inside was all coming out. It physically hurt to sob that much. My insides were aching with the pain.

I was clutching the lead of their family dog, Daisy. She was whimpering with upset. It broke my heart that even the dog was feeling so much hurt over my Tom.

We tried to sing 'amazing grace' for our boy, but the words just wouldn't come out. They were stifled with angry sobs. My fingers ached from squeezing S and D's hands. Their nails were digging into my flesh as his 'girlfriend', L talked about what a wonderful guy my Tom was. Bullshit. She later that night shagged the guy that she was cheating on Tom with right up until he died. It made me so angry to hear her lying about how much 'love she had for him' when his own mother was screaming in pain for her son. The hundreds of people in the church were filled with hatred for that girl. I still hate her so much.

As Tom was carried out of the church to the sounds of Underworld, my heart broke in two. I just couldn't take it anymore. The raw burning in my heart, wanting him back, was too much. I just sat and cried for hours, with D and S by my side, sharing the pain.

We walked outside the church and I thought 'Tom would have hated this'. All the fuss, the religion, the tears. He would have absolutley loathed it. He was all about the good times, the fun in life. He could make the sun shine. I always said that. His smile created this massive beacon of light which would give you hope for anything.

God, I miss him so much.

Rest in Peace, My Tom.

Thomas Williams

Died aged 19


Barroway Drove

he brought the sunshine.

Winner takes it all..

Hello gorgeous girlies :)

Woo hoo.. might have got a new job for summer! Going to France with L and a few other mates so I need the money!

Today hasn't been too bad food-wise.

Lost three pounds yesterday so im back to 141. So yahhh, not tooo far off my original weight :)

ate some chocolate today, so I need to go running tonight :(

Thunderstorm coming through! Love it!

Stay skinny beauties :)

Chloe x

Thursday, April 21


Hello Lovelies =)

sorry I haven't written in ages, been off the scene.

I put on four pounds this week.. gutted :(

Don't know what else to write.

Stay Skinny,

chloe x

Saturday, April 16

Because I got high.. la la la la la la..

Shit maann.. that party was crap. I got all my bacci and my weed nicked by a supposed 'mate' of mine. What a twat.

I ate way too much as well, I had the munchies :(

Doing crap today too, had a cherry flapjack. :/

sorry I'm a fail.

Chloe x

Thursday, April 14


Sorry I didn't write yesterday, I was feeling really depressed.

it's getting so bad again, I don't know what to do.

Mum is forcing the meds again.. I really hate them.

Anyways, when I'm depressed I comfort eat A LOT. I pt on two pounds in two days which is very disapointing.

Ahh well.. Only had 150 calories so far today.. thats not too bad.

Love you all pretties :)

Chloe x

Wednesday, April 13

no control.

Why do I eat like such a pig?

I don't even know why I do it.. I'm not even hungry!

Breakfast was the usual porridge.

I did well at lunch, with just over 80 calories.

But wowza! Dinner! Why do I go shopping with my mum? I actually helped her pick out chinease. Made the noodles myself, conscious of the shit that I was putting into my body.

I managed to eat 3 mini spring rolls, a plate of stir fry and rice..

then some chocolate cake! 315 calories per slice.. -_-

So I got on the running machine and ran like a bat out of hell.

I burnt off 76o calories in an hour which is a tad pathetic though.

Party in cambridge on friday night.. going round my mate L's for the day before. Her mum used to be anorexic and is therefore really funny about her daughter eating lots.. which means I will have to as well. Any excuses lovelies?

Buzzing for the party. I'm not drinking though, so it should be funny walking round with my camera, watching people making complete dicks of themselves and taking some lovely pictures. :P Buzzing. Think of all the extra calories they will be drinking?! Not for me thank you very much! I will make sure I dance all night girls, mini workout I guess!

Any tips for parties in regards to loosing weight?

Love you pretties. :)

Chloe x

Tuesday, April 12

I. Want. To. Binge.

Hello Pretties :)

I am so hungry :( I haven't even done that well today..

  • Porridge with a teaspoon of Nutella (as I really hate porridge). (300)

  • half a can of low fat vegetable soup and half a sliceof bread. (150)

  • 30g of couscous, sme cucumber, and some sweetcorn. (220)

  • 2 bananas. (260)

Hmm.. thats a lot of food :(

I burnt off 500 calories on the running machine today.. it only took me 30 minutes which means I have reduced my time by 6 minutes from yesterday, and 17 minutes since I started my diet. not too shabby! :)

So therefore my food intake was: 930?! Holy shit.

but.. -500 for the exercise is..

Total of 430 calories.

That's not too bad.

I will do better tomorrow though, only ate cos the boyfriend was round and wnt let me skip meals.

Stay skinny girls!

Chloe x

Monday, April 11

April challenge.

143.3 lbs.

On my period and I ate like a pig this weekend.

Disapointed in myself.

Stay skinny pretties :)

Chloe x

Pre-monday nerves.

I am fucked in this whole april challenge thing. I ate like a pig over the weekend :( No self-control. I will be lucky if I haven't gained weight!

My boyfriend is such a weight loss blocker.

Chinese food, pasta, cupcakes, chips.. you name it, I ate it this weekend :(

but yeah, guess it's my own fault.. I will just have to try much harder this week.... no food.

Love you pretties :)

Chloe x

Sunday, April 10

I'm lovin it... my figure is not.

Hello Lovelies :)

URGH. I ate so much over the past two days. Friday started out really good, just a bowl of porridge.. 137 calories. I then had nothing else.. UNTIL I went round my boyfriends. We ordered in a chinese. Plain noodles and chips. That's like, a zillion calories! Then we had some bread with butter.. like, a zillion more calories! :(

I woke up this morning and had some more bread and butter..-_-

I then helped him moved house, which must have burned a fair few calories..wooop :)

Then the pasta and icecream came out -_-

So yeah, this weekend so far has not been very productive, weight-wise.

Tomorrow is a new, food free day though :)

Love you all pretties :)

Chloe x

Friday, April 8

Fucking Scales.

I hate my life.

Why the fuck do I have to live in britain? With our stones and pounds.. bullshit!

So I changed the thing on our scales to pounds and I weigh a hell of a lot more than i thought i did! 146! Nooooooo! :(

so yeah, brand new start in the weight game as of tomorrow.





Stay skinny (shame im not)

Love chloe x

please don't make me eat.

Hello Lovelys :)

That woman. Why does she want me to be fat? Yeah, she's my mum and I love her, but I don't want to be fat.

I don't want to be fat.

I want to be thin.

Thin and beautiful.

I want to be so fragile people are scared to touch me.

I want to walk and leave no footprints.

I've been off school for about a week, and cos I'm not eating as much as the rest of my supersize family, my dad thinks I now have an eating disorder. I am not anorexic, bullimic, whatever you want to label me as. I am still fat. 137lbs is NOT skinny. That is practically obese. I never wish to have an eating disorder, I just want to be skinny. I mean, I have so much respect for the people out there with ED's, but I don't have one.

School tomorrow so I can fast all day :)

Love you all honeys!

Chloe x

Thursday, April 7

To eat or not to eat..

Hey guys, I'm in such a dilema at the moment. I have my GCSE's coming up soon, and I don't know how healthy it will be to take my diet during revision and the exams... Please help?

Right, this weekend I am off into town to buy some size 8 jeans. This will be a starting point for my weightloss. When I can fit into them, I know I will be loosing weight. At the moment my jeans are a tight-ish 12/ baggy 14. Buzzing -_-

Think Skinny,

Chloe x


Woohooo.. i lost another 2 pounds in a day. I was getting well fed up as I was just kinda hovering around 143. First follower! Thank you so much :) Really buzzing about my weightloss at the moment, actually feel like exercizing! Love you all, Chloe x

Wednesday, April 6

Why wont you go away?

Is what I am asking myself at the moment. Why is this horrible dirty fat still clinging onto my body when I am eating like, nothing. I will step it up well, today seeing as it's 3am UK time. Not going to school tomorrow.. effort. Depression is getting bad again and I just cba to sleep and then crawl out of bed in the morning. Just no. I think I might do the abc diet from now on.. it sounds simple enough.. will just hurt like a bitch on the low calorie and fasting days. Ahh well, I think my willpower is getting pretty good. I did something really disgusting today though. I came down to the kitchen, and there was like, half a cold pizza sitting on the table. My favourite. Damn it. So, I did the grossest thing ever. I took a big slice and chewed it then spat it all back out. Then washed my mouth with water so it wouldn't get absorbed. Eww.. Anyways, Thank you so much to the people who have been checking out my blog. Feel free to leave me a comment as I really need the support right now! Love you all. Chloe x

Salt Water Flush.

So... I did the salt water flush today. The drinking of the salt water was actually terrible. I felt like I was going to throw up. I think it helps to down it really concentrated in one glass, then drink the other two pints of water (4cups) really quickly. I laid on my RIGHT side for about 40 minutes, to help it go through. My tummy felt really funny, like I had too much sloshing about inside. I was also really bloated. After about 45 minutes, I REALLY needed the loo. Like, more than anything. So yeah, I went to the loo about 8 times in two hours! They tell you not to fart even though it feels like you really need to, as the salt water comes out OF EVERY HOLE. I know, its gross. I feel so much better though! I feel really clean on the inside now, so it's all been worth it. :) I'm going round my boyfriend's house on friday night and helping him move house on saturday. My diet is basically shot to shit. All they eat is chips and beans. It will be tragic. It doesn't help that my boyfriend weighs over 200lbs and WONT STOP EATING. But I love him so I will just have to try my best to stay away from the food. But yahhhhh... hopefully tomorrow will be a good day dieting and depression wise. :) Love you all, Chloe x


I found these really gorgeous pictures last night and thought I would share them with everyone :)


hey.. so this is me at my current weight. It's so gross. You can just see all of the extra flab hanging off me. I actually feel sick looking at this. But hopefully it will give me the motivation to loose the weight faster by posting this disgusting picture on here.

Sorry for grossing everyone out.

Chloe x

Tuesday, April 5


Feeling really ill at the moment. :( Oh and crap.. my boyfriend found out about my blog the other day cos I accidentally left it open.. I am terrified he is going to read it. That would be bad. I don't want him to know how crap I feel about myself, as he might think im weird. Stuck around the 5lb loss mark at the moment.. ate a bit more yesterday cos i was ill. Damn it. Ahh well, wish me luck! Chloe xxx

Saturday, April 2

Not so Electric- feel.

Sorry I am posting a ridiculous amount, but this blog is such a good way of venting and letting out your feelings. Depression is fairly bad today, I feel really crap and I don't know why. But.. one year today since I was last admitted into hospital...wooo! =] Watching South Park.. fucking hilarious! :) Wow... stuck for things to talk about.. so i will stop boring you. Love you all, Chloe x


Hey. Day 5 of my diet and it hasn't gone too bad. Only lost three pounds but im easing myself into it. That weight loss ticker thing is so motivating, so I would recommend anyone trying to loose weight to get one. So ill at the moment though, little brother has given everybody in the house his bug. :( Depression not so bad at the moment as I've been doing lots of running which releases endorphins :) For anyone trying to loose weight, I have been looking at the Flat Belly Solution for basic food tips on what I should and shouldn't be eating. I have no idea whether it had contributed to my weight loss, btu I am certinally more conscious about what I am putting into my body. But yeah, I will keep trying really hard with my weight loss and keep the blog updated on my progress. Chloe x